We caught up with zany duo Peter and Jayne Smith for some Dutch courage and plenty of advice for hosting the perfect Impossimal party. So don't embarrass yourself by hosting a damp squib of a jamboree - follow these tips and you'll be coming up rosé.
First on the agenda is Impossimal etiquette.
"Flatly refuse to eat snails," instructs Peter. "Offer to cut up people's food if they're eating too slowly, and ensure that cheese is sliced into pieces no bigger than 1cm square.
"Breaking ornaments with a cork is a skill admired by many, so shake any bottles of fizz before opening. And if you spill red wine, immediately throw white wine over your fellow host for good luck."
Etiquette level: expert.
No party is complete without drinking games. And with grapes one of your five a day, Peter and Jayne have compiled an exercise programme that will Schnapps you into shape.
Step One: Warm up. Fill your wine glass, and take a good slug. This will get your metabolism racing and relax your muscles.
Step Two: Next it's time for the 'Juggler': two glasses - one filled with white, one with red. Alternate your arm curls and sip from each glass in turn. Mixing grapes increases your heart rate, which burns fat. Probably.
Step Three: Starting to sway? Try the 'Pay and Display'! Fill both glasses with a tipple of your choice. Outstretch your arms fully, then bend both back towards your body simultaneously and take a swig. Repeat until empty and you will have gloriously toned arms.
After all that excitement, it's time for a stiff drink. We teamed up with the cocktail masters at the award-winning hotel group Malmaison to create an Impossimally delicious hooch.
Ingredients: gin, elderflower cordial, Créme de Cassis, lemon juice, tonic water, sprig of rosemary, slice of dehydrated orange
Recipe: Add the gin, elderflower cordial, Créme de Cassis and lemon juice to a cocktail shaker (or plant pot) along with crushed ice. Shake, then pour into a ludicrously large glass before topping up with tonic water and garnishing with a sprig of rosemary and a slice of dehydrated orange.
"We originally set out to create a sensible collection, but it turned into a party that got rather wild. Brushes were cast aside, along with art-related clothing."
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